Decisions and Where I Now Stand

I’ve been up for about 2 hours now and all this time have been debating with myself about what to do with the boys today. I think I’ve decided to go to the beach, but the later it gets (the boys aren’t up yet) and higher in the sky the sun gets the more doubts I am having. I’m trying very hard not to make this a self-centred decision…

We’ve been staying at home the whole week after we found out our friend’s daughter had hand foot and mouth disease on Monday. Both boys had played with her for a long time on Sunday morning and evening, so we figured they had a high chance of catching it. Staying at home is perfectly fine for me; however, the 2 monkey boys are starting to climb the walls. We’ve been downstairs for bike rides and trips to the small supermarket and second hand shop; we went for our usual weekly dinner at my mother-in-law’s place; and we even watched a full-length movie (which is rare on weekdays). #1’s cries of “I’m bored!” have been met with threats of housework assignments most of the time. Today I decided I need to give the kid a break. He needs more physical activity and so do I–the thing is, he craves it and I shun it. So, do I head all the way to the beach or just go to Kent Ridge Park again? It’s nearly 9am. Going to the beach means more gear to pack, longer traveling time, lugging the boys, stroller and beach gear on the bus…but they would love it. If I give them a choice of going to the beach or hiking up the ridge (which we just did on Monday), they are sure to choose the beach so I’ve got to think of something….
Ah! I’ve got it, we’ll head to Sentosa in the afternoon when the blazing tropical sun is not directly overhead, then get a ride home from KL when he’s done with work. Mom in law is cooking dinner so I don’t have to worry about being back early to cook. As they used to say on the A-Team, “I love it when a plan comes together!”

Yesterday I left them to do whatever they wanted the whole afternoon while I did housework and organizing, so really, in a way, I owe it to them to do something they would like today. I often have these internal debates about whether I am being too authoritarian or whether I am being too child-centered or whether I am being utterly self-centred. Frankly, I like being in charge, so I am quite happy to uphold the Biblical principle of parental authority. That suits me fine. But then these other Biblical principles come into play that don’t fit so nicely with my nature….like laying down my life for another, possessing a meek and quiet spirit, considering others better than myself, and all the other ego-busting commands that God has me follow to lead me into humility. My life is not to be self-, parent-, or child-centred but God-centred.

Reading Romans in the past few days has reminded me of where I stand before this God who is to be at the centre. I stand in grace…in the midst of grace, as if it is an enormous, protected shallow lake and I stand knee deep right in the centre of it. Nothing can reach me or take me out of it. I am amazed again by the extent of this grace.

First I was saved and then made right (justified) and now..He went so far as to reconcile me to Himself. As if escaping his wrath weren’t enough, I now have a fully restored relationship. I pray I’ll live the day to day existence in light of this.

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